Grateful for all that I have
This afternoon I was sitting in my cave (or more grandly, my office) thinking about what I will write about for my post this week. This den that I have is the place where I meditate 5 mornings of the week, and where I write my journal. It is also the place where I am making a model boat that I got as a present this Christmas. It is a place of solitude and peace. Surrounded by my things, which seems to include a lot of books. I keep glancing outside, as I am expecting it to really start snowing soon, as the “Beast from the East” and Storm Emma arrive in this westernmost part of Ireland simultaneously.
There is a red alert that started 10 minutes ago, throughout Ireland (it is the 1st March 2018) and we have been asked to be inside our homes until noon tomorrow. Will this major weather event have an impact on me? I don’t really know. It is much too early to predict, but I am prepared as best I can for this. There is enough food in the house (this lockdown won’t last that long), and I have plenty of heating oil in the tank. The app on my phone says that it feels like -12 C (10 F) outside, but inside it is nice and toasty. If the electricity goes, we have loads of candles and plenty of fuel for the fire. I’m ready.
So why have I titled this post about being grateful?
I have Multiple Sclerosis and I have difficulty walking, the cold weather saps my strength and energy. Chronic headache pain that never stops gets worse in times of stress or anxiety. Having these medical issues means that I have to be concerned when there are adverse weather conditions.
How am I feeling now?
I am really happy at the moment. Despite being on less than minimum wage I am fully prepared for this impending doom, my basic needs are taken care of, heat, food and shelter. It could be an awful lot worse.
During the day I went into town to do a few things and in one establishment I was confronted by a very surly individual. Obviously, I do not know their personal circumstances, but this person seems to be always angry. They are in a senior position. A good job, that I am sure will gets paid much more than I do. As I have learned, financial security does not necessarily make someone happy. Having a life that has some definite purpose, that is of value, and that you as a person enjoy, leads to a feeling of daily gratitude.
I know that this post is a little disjointed, with no discernible flow, or idea. It is more of a stream of idea’s, thoughts. I am continuously trying to reconcile this apparent conflict in my life. How can I, as someone with difficulty walking, lost sensation (touch, taste and smell) and continuous chronic pain, have a life that makes me smile? Maybe it is because I have lost so many things that I am very grateful for the things that I still have in my life. Damocles sword is ready to drop at any moment, and I could be severed from something else that I treasure.
Losing something else can happen, so I must focus on now, and cherish what I have. This moment is the only moment that really matters. It is my world, and it makes me smile. Thank you for reading.