I don’t want to succumb
This morning I woke at 7:45. A little earlier than usual. On Saturdays I like to sleep in, and catch up on some rest. One of the symptoms that I have with my Multiple Sclerosis is fatigue. For those of you who don’t have fatigue is is very hard to understand. When I wake up, it is as if I never slept. My limbs are heavy, and I wonder how I will get out of bed. Some mornings I just want to lie there forever. I want to give in.
This morning I felt like just giving in, and sleeping all day. However, I cannot just turn over, and return to a restful slumber, because as soon as I wake up my headache asserts itself. The right side of my head throbs. Pulsing with a rhythm that cannot be ignored. It stops me from sleeping, and enjoying the laziness of the morning. I have to act, otherwise the pain becomes unbearable.
So, now I have to distract myself. I am sleepy, no energy, but I have to act. So I start to read. I play a game on my iPad. I have to dart from one activity to another, trying to find something that doesn’t involve concentration. If I have to concentrate, my headache will escalate from a 5/10 to a 7/10. I don’t want to start a day like that.
This is what I do when I feel like giving up. I bootstrap myself. Step by step. I accept the pain, because for me that means living.
